We’ve all been there, accomplishing our goals. Slaying left and right, feeling on top of the world then BAM, one day you slip. You make a mistake. It can be a simple mistake or even a lapse of judgement or perhaps even a life event that you had no control over. At that moment all your accomplishments become diminished in your eyes. Beating yourself up and self loathing is the fastest way to lose everything you worked hard for. Here is the challenge: allowing yourself to be human. It’s ok to mess up, its ok for things get messed up. Failing should not be a negative word. Failing means you have tried, you got up and did it and with failure comes learning. Without failure, success means nothing.
I’ve fallen on my face really hard, many times over. By the time I was 25 I was a divorced, single mom living in Los Angeles who’s only life experience was standing in front of a camera for her looks. My mom passed away from cancer shortly after and I found myself more lost than I have ever been. The year after my mom’s passing was the hardest because that’s when you’re supposed to find your “new normal” but I never had any kind of normal and my only support system was gone and I had a child to feed with no money or any idea of what to do next. I fell into a deep depression mixed with horrible post traumatic stress. I was constantly sick to my stomach to the point where I lost 30lb in a short two months. I looked sick and pale, constantly fainting. I’d end up in hospitals on a bi monthly basis. I knew I was dying, slowly but I was dying. One day I looked in the mirror and I just thought how sick and tired I am of being sick and tired. If I wanted to find my happiness at that moment I knew I had to trust in the universe and myself. I knew right then and there I needed to make a change or my daughter will grow up without her mother.
I use to feel like if I did things a certain way I’d always have control over the outcome. Control is an illusion, only thing we truly have control over is our reaction. If you go in accepting the unexpected, you’ll be able to roll with the punches (and mistakes) along the way without completely falling a part. Here is where compassion comes in, not only for others but even more importantly for yourself. Our egos will lie to us, tell us we’re not worth it or we shouldn’t even try anymore. Don’t listen to that voice! It’s not real.
Learning to be more mindful and truly listening to your heart’s truth will recenter and ground you. You’ll be able to see that as humans we are emotional beings, we are not robots and even when we make mistakes, those mistakes don’t define us. Live a life without perfection. Perfection is boring, embrace the unique imperfections in your personality along with the perfect imperfections of our bodies.
When I was in my early twenties I had a clear goal in my head what I (thought) wanted. It wasn’t until I fell flat on my face did I realize that the universe doesn’t care what you want and to quote a great song by a great band, “You don’t always get what you want, but you’ll always get what you need”. If you allow yourself to fall but still proceed with love and compassion it will always work out in the end, a theory that has been tested and proved many times over. Whatever your goals are, remember along the way there will be bumps and sometimes those bumps can be huge pot holes and you may even fall in and feel like giving up and you know what? That’s ok too. You can cry, scream, get mad then after you’re done, get up, forgive yourself and continue to push forward. We got this.